General

The world of Football has so many clichés.

All sport has its sayings but because it is so popular and frequently televised Football seems to have taken more than its fair share. The problem is that a group of people not really known for their eloquence and verbosity are suddenly asked to make in-depth comments about how they are feeling. The press and the public want to know what it is to experience scoring a goal at Wembley or seeing the side you have managed to a semi-final place beaten on penalties. One way they could do this would be to watch Football Training drill Videos like the ones you can see at https://www.sportplan.net/drills/Football/Dribbling/Wake-Up-the-Giant-F502004.jsp

To be fair it’s hard enough for any human to immediately sum up their position on the subject there and then a few seconds after it’s happened, or the match is just over. So, the only way to describe it is to rely on the good old cliché to get you thorough. Here’s some of the best and what they mean.

Sick as a Parrot. There is no evidence in Science that Parrots have an opinion on football or that the game instils biliousness in them when they do watch it. It is a useful phrase for Managers and Players to use when things have gone wrong and a close match has been lost.

  1. Over the Moon. This is the exact opposite to the Parrot expression. For example, the Presenter says “Brian, you’ve just won the FA cup in the 90th minute of the game with a stunning 40-yard shot! How do you feel?!” It is an impossible question to answer fully. “Well, as I lined the shot up, I was reminded of the philosopher Jeremy Bentham’s writing on utilitarianism and the good for all our fans a goal would do if it goes in and then I worked out the algebraic method so that I could apply the correct degree of force to the angle of trajectory!”

Take each game as it comes. Oft repeated by Captains and players who have not been given their orders for next weeks game yet. Strictly speaking there is no other way to approach the season than to take each game as it comes.

  1. We have full confidence in the manager. This means the board is about the sack the manager.
  2. It’s a game of two halves. A truly moronic one that pundits trot out when asked to describe the game that we’ve all been watching. It’s also used to generate hope. “So, Brian, the first half is done and you’re 3 nil down with two players sent off”, “yes, well it’s a game of two halves Gary so let’s see…” its generally followed by “we’ve got a mountain to climb”.
  3. At the end of the day… This means that the person asking the question is about to have a breakdown due to the myriad twists and turns of the game. There are starting to think that a career in Snooker might be better.